For the most part, as a therapist, I am filled with gratitude for the work that I get to do. Being able to follow my calling in doing this work is truly a gift. I’m often working with clients in their most difficult and challenging moments, and in many of those moments there are so many things I want them to know. In those moments, I find that my presence is more important than anything I can say. So more often than not, I choose to do just that. Since it would be a rare occasion that I get the opportunity to share these things with my clients all at one time, I thought I would create a blog post where it can be a helpful reference.So, here are a few things I always want my clients to know…
#1 – You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I believe that ALL people, including you, deserve to be treated with dignity. We all must experience the consequences of our behavior, but that does not preclude you from being treated with dignity. Addiction is a horrible disease, trauma involves haneous acts, but YOU are more than that.
#2 You are allowed to have boundaries. This sort of connects to the first point, but I think it’s worth having it’s own number. Everyone has the right to boundaries. Do not let others, or the feeling of shame, convince you that you do not have the right to having your own limits and your own voice.
#3 You can trust me. This is a hard one for many of us, because we often confuse trust and dependency. Regardless, therapy is a safe space. You can trust that I will be honest with you (even when it’s hard). You can trust that I will treat you with respect. You can trust me with your thoughts and your feelings.
#4 You are valuable. In all of my years of doing therapy thus far, I have yet to meet a person that I did not think had value. I’m not using this term loosely here, either. Every encounter with a client adds value and meaning to my life. I wouldn’t be doing this job if it didn’t. In fact, the clients I’ve had the privilege to work with are some of the most creative and talented people I have ever met.
#5 You are human – and so am I. It’s easy to think that your therapist has it made in the shade, and that they have it all together. This just isn’t reality. I’m human, too. I don’t always have the answers. I have bad days, my life and relationships are not perfect. In fact, probably 50% of my job is keeping my own life in check so that I can be a source of support for those I’m privileged to help.
#6 I won’t ask you to do something that I’m not willing to do myself. Believe it or not, I think that an absolutely critical part of being a good therapist is practicing what I preach. I’m not saying that I have done myself every single thing that I’ve recommended for a client. But what I can say is that before I ask something of you as a client – I have done my own reality check on it first.
#7 I can handle your feelings. I am not afraid of your feelings. You can feel open to share your thoughts and feelings with me no matter what they are. I am able to hold space for even the toughest emotions.
#8 I will be honest with you. Sometimes people comment that they wonder what their therapist is thinking. My approach to therapy is open, honest, and direct. You will not have to wonder what I am thinking. I believe in sharing directly with clients what my thoughts, and having a dialogue about them. If a client wonders what I am thinking, I always prefer that you ask?
I hope these are helpful insights into who I am as a therapist. I believe in the power of healing and recovery through therapy as well as many other avenues (e.g. spirituality, 12 step programs, support groups, etc…). I have deep gratitude for the way in which clients have allowed me to be part of their growth journey. If you’re on the fence about your own therapy process, perhaps this helps ease some of the anxiety. Perhaps it helps you know that there are therapists like myself who are invested in guiding you on your path to wholeness and well being.
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